Clik here to view.
BREAKING: Pfizer releases new vaccine to protect against the side effects of...
ATLANTA—Scientists are amazed by the quick development of yet another new vaccine under Project Warp Speed. The new vaccine developed by Pfizer protects against the side effects of the COVID-19...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Woman with ‘My Body My Choice’ shirt yells at people who oppose mandatory...
A woman with a “My Body My Choice” shirt has been stationed at a local Target store screaming at selfish people who carelessly risk others’ lives opposing mandatory vaccination. “You are killing...
View ArticleClik here to view.
WARNING: COVID vaccine only works if you post a selfie of you getting it
HOBOKEN, NJ–A spokesman for Pfizer Pharmaceuticals issued a warning for their new COVID-19 vaccine, which is currently being deployed around the country. “Our vaccine is 95% effective in all...
View ArticleClik here to view.
President Biden declares Eagles Superbowl LV Champs by executive order
WASHINGTON, DC—At 5AM Eastern Time today President-Elect Biden issued another executive order, declaring the Philadelphia Eagles the Super Bowl Champions for 2021. He also cancelled the actual game...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Get a lobotomy and other ways you can celebrate the 1st anniversary of ’15...
US—It’s been one whole year since our health experts told us we would only need to lockdown society and ruin the economy to stop the spread of the dreaded coronapocalypse. Since then, the virus has...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Portland offers free hits of crack with proof of COVID vaccination
PORTLAND, OR—Residents of Portland are lining up to receive their free hits of crack rock—a little extra incentive for receiving the COVID vaccination. And it isn’t just a one-time offer — those with...
View ArticleClik here to view.
CDC recommends everyone now wear tin foil face masks while in public
WASHINGTON — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) readied new guidelines Monday on coronavirus protections including an innovative new tin foil face mask that protects the wearer from,...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Biden announces universal castration in order to stop sexual assault and...
WASHINGTON, DC—President *Joe Biden announced major steps to address sexual assault today, using the executive authority to write laws. Biden announced six actions, including asking the Department of...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Tylenol recalled after someone who took it tripped over his owns shoes, then...
WASHINGTON, DC—The Food and Drug Administration issued a recall today on the distribution of Tylenol after someone who took it tripped over his owns shoes and went into a coma. According to a police...
View ArticleClik here to view.
REPORT: Dr. Fauci working on creating more viruses so he can stay relevant...
WASHINGTON, DC—If there’s anyone in more dire need right now of staying relevant for as long as possible, it’s Dr. Fauci. From one TV appearance to the next, it’s an endless train of interviews that...
View Article
